Warning: Feels. Don't read... Just skip the long essay before the pictures.
I've been lacking in motivation and inspiration recently. It's very unfortunate that sometimes I allow my emotions to get the better of me, and when one part of my life is not perfectly dandy, it influences the others. It shouldn't be that way and I shouldn't mix matters. Besides, food is supposed to be my escape; it has always been my happiness... When did that change? I don't think it necessarily changed, but maybe I've just been down. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been unhappy or anything... But I have been less than content. A big part of it has been my confusion about numerous aspects of my life. I don't know why but it seems almost impossible to make a decision. It feels like a burden, a simple thing such as a decision. Other than being confused, I've been a bit disorganized, which has perpetuated the feeling of confusion and demotivation. I need to reorganize my life, make it all make sense again, but it's harder to do that than I thought. Or maybe it isn't hard and I really am not trying enough. I'm sure telling myself than I'm no good at cooking or writing or work or anything else, isn't helpful or conducive to my goals.
I have been looking for inspiration however, and decided to go to the market - something I have been putting off for a very long time. What I didn't realize is that I was looking in the wrong places for inspiration and motivation. I cook and I eat because food is something I love. Yes, I may see some fresh vegetables at the market and become excited. I may even think of all the great things I'd like to make with it. But, at the end of the day, when I'm home and in the kitchen, looking at those ingredients sitting on the table will not make me cook. I will only cook when I want to, and when I realize that just the simple act is going to make me feel good - happy, inspired, motivated.
While writing this post (at this very moment) I just thought about something that's related, if even in the slightest. A couple weeks ago, I was cooking, and a lot too. I tried new recipes, some of which I was dissatisfied with, but I tried. Some of those, were not for me. And that was a lot of motivation - to actually do it. I love creating something that makes someone happy or feel good, if only for a moment, and if even they forget by the next day. But, then I stopped. Not because I couldn't, not because there wasn't anyone to cook for, not because the food was inedible. If I knew why, I could say it... but I'm not so sure. And that's a real problem for me - never really knowing what's wrong, so not knowing how to handle/fix it. It's a problem I've had for quite a while but I still haven't figured it out.
My mind is far off now. I've been trying to write this post for two + hours now and I keep stopping and starting. And every time I stop, I lose my train of thought. I anticipated having trouble writing this post (I mean, I have been lacking motivation), hence the start time recording. I haven't been writing because I have no clue what to say (though according to this post, it's a lot). But with reference to food... I feel like I can't write... I have ideas, I know what I would potentially like to say, but I just can't communicate it. That's the main reason for my lack of posts as well as the briefness of the two recent posts.
By now I've forgotten half the things I need to say, changed my mind about some of it, and have been a bit repetitive, so maybe I'll close this one off. The point of this was for me to attempt to understand (however little) how I feel/think by writing a bit about it. I may read this post again (and maybe again) and hopefully realize how ridiculous the way I've been feeling is, and maybe I'll realize (more so) that the solution is to suck it up and make things brilliant again. The bad news that I received recently - I didn't mention it here - shouldn't dictate my pace or my worth and abilities. It shouldn't and it won't. Better things!
(Click Photos To Enlarge)
Back to the green market.
There wasn't as much variety as I expected (with regard to vegetables and fruit). It may just be the day that I went because there are different (more) vendors other weeks. The San Antonio Green Market is open every Saturday from 6a.m. to afternoon. Here's a little information from their Facebook page:
My favourite part of the market was the setting. It was so calm and pretty, a great place to relax and have breakfast (arepas, empanadas, local delights: bake and saltfish/chokas etc.), and pick up some goods while you're at it.Green Market offers a mix of fresh produce (including unusual indigenous fruits, vegetables, herbs and seasonings), specialty foods (pastelle, payme, cocoa powder, goat's milk) and artisanal items (wooden bowls and platters, handmade soaps etc), which may vary from season to season.Enjoy food and beverage (hot or iced coffee, fresh juices, currants rolls or pies) in a shady spot where you might meet friends or lime for a moment. A Nature walk is included for the more energetic or children. A carpark is also provided.
End Time: 8:36pm